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Drake’s Nympho Sports Allegiances: An Absurdly Detailed Investigation

Posted by Lucas G. on 04/07/14 | Filed under Top Stories, Humor, Drake, Absurdly Detailed Investigations

In hip-hop you can like as many artists as you want because they aren't competing. I'll never understand why B.I.G fans hate on Pac (and vice versa), or why you always have to support artists from your area; dope music is dope music regardless of where it comes from. When it comes to sports, however, I have the exact opposite opinion. In my mind, you only get one team per sport and one team only. If your one team is not the team where you grew up, then you better have a damn good reason why or I will probably question your fandom. I have rooted for shitty DC teams far too long to let anybody else pick and choose; there really isn't anything worse than a bandwagon fan.

Between Wayne, a New Orleans native who makes songs for Kobe, or Bieber, a Canadian Heat fan, there are bandwagoners a plenty in hip-hop, but Drake has to take the  crown. No rapper's sports allegiances are more random, artificial, and opportunistic than Aubrey's, but just how vast and front running are they? It's time for an absurdly detailed investigation into teams Drake is a fan of.

Considering this is what started this investigation, it seems a good place to start. This was a big weekend for the Kentucky basketball team. You might think the biggest reward for winning their Final Four game in epic fashion is a trip to the championship game, but no; they got to meet Drake! I can't imagine the excitement Drake was feeling when he watched his hometown alma mater favorite college basketball team win. As he was leaving the locker room, somebody asked him what we are all thinking.

You hear the way he said "always" almost like he knows it isn't true, we know it isn't true, but he still needs to lie about it. It reminded me of this kid; just no regard for human decency. We know, he knows it, the world knows it, but still he is going to lie right to our faces. It almost makes me respect him for cheering on a  team that is 600 miles away from his hometown. Okay, so apparently Drake and Kentucky have some history, but I don't think it's enough to warrant a locker room visit. His relationship is like that guy who roots for the winning team because his aunt once went to college two towns over. If you have to explain your reason why, you probably don't have a very good one. I like to think "always" means since 6 seconds left in the game, but that's just me. So what other teams has Drake "always" been a fan of?
Well, let's start with the obvious one, the Toronto Raptors. I have absolutely no quarrles with this one. Drake is from Toronto and was probably cheering on Vince Carter in between "Degrassi" takes so it's all good here. Hometown team? Don't even need to explain; they have a Drake Night for a reason.
Now, if any team,  let alone my hometown squad, had a whole night named after me, I wouldn't root for another team as long as I live, but when your Drake, why not? For those that don't know, The Raptors are in the Eastern Conference, which of course means he has to hate the Heat right? Every fan in the league hates them, and it is that much worse when it comes from the same conference. The West might be better, but here on the East Coast, we have to deal with Lebron on a regular basis. So, naturally, Drake loves The Heat. Here he is looking like the nerdy equipment manager.
And here he is trying to get into the Heat locker room after their Finals win because he once flew through the Miami airport and Will Smith's "Miami" was his favortie song off Big Willie Style and is a fan till he dies. Needless to say he didn't get in because well, why does Drake need to be in the locker room at all?
Of course, his love is too vast to stop just at Bron Bron. When not announcing the lineups for the Raptors or sniffing Lebrons compression shorts, Drake can be found nuzzling up to an unamused Kobe at a Laker game.
Think a rivalry as old as Kincks-Lakers would get Drake to choose sides? Think again. Here is cheering on the Knicks, who, started at the top and are now at the bottom.
And for good measure, here he is in a Rodman jersey because Drake. 
With all those NBA games to watch, seems like Drake only has time to root for every team in one sport..."seems like".  Here he is hanging out with the Seahawks. Moral of the story, if a team has won a championship  in the past five years, Drake is a fan.
The only bad part about being a fan of the Super Bowl winning team is you get the last pick in the draft. Bad news for Drake who would love nothing more than to see Johnny Manziel go to the team he rooted for since February 3rd. 
The juxtaposition between the five Manziel jerseys and the Canadian flag is too much. They are literally on opposite ends of the continent, but that won't stop Drizzy. 
A Canadian massaging a Texas A&M star while wearing a Kentucky flag. I can't even...
Baseball may be America's pastime, but Drake is basically American by now so here he is throwing out the first pitch at a Cleveland Indians game. Why didn't he wear his Blue Jays hat?
Rooting for the Raptors, Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Bulls, Aggies, Wildcats, Seahawks, Indians and Blue Jays keeps Drake busy in these here United States, but still he has time to go abroad to catch a soccer game or two. Here he is chlling with former Man City striker Mario Balotelli.
Becoming a "YOLO Brother" (whatever the hell that means) with any  ootball star would make me a fan for life, which is why Drake promptly went to kick it with Man City's Premier League League rival, Chelsea.
Notice his really clear, well-explained answer for being a Chelsea fan. "mumble mumble FIFA mumble Drogba mumble". Now I know what you are thinking, but Balotelli now plays for Milan, an Italian team so what's wrong with this? Well nothing (besides the fact that this was before Balotelli switched teams) but rooting for Man City, Chelsea, and Manchester United? I'm not even a football fan and I know you can't do that. It would be like rooting for The Yankees, Red Sox, and the Dodgers; you just can't do it.
Of course anyone who likes the three best British clubs also has to like Messi and Barcelona.
Normally, this kind of bandwagoning pisses me the fuck off, but I'm not even mad, that's amazing. I'm legitmately impressed that he can root for all these teams and still find time to record music. Right now I'm exhausted between following Desean Jackson news, the Wizards making the playoffs and the Nationals, but Drake is bandwagoning all over the world without missing a beat. I literally don't know how he does it. I know it's different for the rich and famous, as they get to hang out with these guys all the time, but this is beyond anything I have ever seen. You can be famous, hang out with athletes, and still only like a few teams; just as Jack Nicholson, Jay Z, or everyone's favorite punching bag, Wale; he may be a crybaby bit at least he keeps it straight with his sports teams. 
I know what you are thinking, "don't you think you are reading into the a little too much?" Yes...yes I do. But if I don't investigate shit nobody really cares about, who will?

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