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Going Deep Inside the World of Krispy Kreme, My New Favorite Rapper

Posted by Nathan S. on 06/09/12 | Filed under Humor, Features, Krispy Kreme
Krispy Kreme Rapper

UPDATE: Krispy Kreme is A Hoax Put On By Tyler Cassidy, But He’s Still the “Baddest”

It's been a weird weekend. On Friday I had no idea who Krispy Kreme was (the rapper, not the delicious glazed donut). And by Monday I was seriously starting to feel like I had a new favorite rapper. It's been a long strange road and I barely even know where to we might as well start with the video that sparked by journey into Krispy's world, "Haters Wanna Be Me."

Ok, so we can all agree that was fucking incredible, right? Of course, amateurs becoming viral sensations for terrible rap videos is nothing new, but this was on an entirely different level. The haircut? The feats of physical prowess (aka climbing a tree, a "front flip", etc.)? I'd never seen anything like it. And then of course there were the lyrics:

"I've been shot about 500 times / and I've done about 1 million crimes / I killed a great white shark..."

Approximately 12 seconds of interwebs research and I'd found yet another example of Krispy's brilliantly terrible brand of rap. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "The Baddest":

For the record, "I could beat you up even if you had one million knives / even if you had infinity knives" is now my favorite rap line of all time. Again, from Kreyashawn to Lil B other rappers have found themselves a topic of internwebs discussion for making frankly terrible rap, but what seemed to differentiate Krispy from his terrible rapping brethren and sistern is an apparently complete absence of self-awareness. Lil B is very much aware that the music he's making is bad; it's all part of a branding scheme.

How aware is Krispy of his own terribleness? Is he some sort of brilliant satirist, pushing hip-hop's macho posturing to absurd heights as a comment on much of rap's inherent but accepted absurdity? Or does he actually think spitting rhymes about "infinity knives" is dope? One makes him an artist, the other makes him almost dangerously self-diluted. And who the hell is Money Maker Mike? What kind of (admittedly McLovin' looking) person just stands there for videos like this?

A little more digging and put to rest any thoughts of artistic parody. Krispy isn't making some bizarre meta-commentary on rap, he's just a kid who's super stoked about his new John Cena t-shirt and Ca$h Money hat. (Side note: The fact that Bidrman's buying new Maybach's weekly because white kids buy his terrible hats makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.):

Well then, that changes things a little...and it only gets deeper. It turns out that Krispy isn't out looking for viral video internet fame. Or rather, he is looking for fame, but I honestly don't think he has any perception of what being a "viral" video or meme even means. In fact, it turns out he's really just a lost, lonely kid who grew up hiding his Nas CD from his mom:

And some more recent posts reveal that he's growing as an artist. By which I mean he's lost the bowl cut and decided to showcase some of his narrative raps. Don't get it wrong, "Best Friends" is still some of the more objectively bad rap you're ever going to hear, and it's still chock full of unintentional hilarity (I love that they hop on his bike after Krispy rescues Mike), but while we're all laughing, this isn't a joke to Krispy.

I won't front, over the course of these videos I found myself growing to really like Krispy. Yes, his dreams of becoming a rapper, or wrestler for that matter, are, to put it mildly, semi-insane. But let's be real, if you're making videos in your basement with Money Maker Mike you don't have a lot going for you. If dreams of rap stardom help get Krispy through another day of what is almost assuredly hell at his local high school, then more power to him. Keep doing your thing Mr. Kreme. We all have our dreams.....

UPDATE: Krispy Kreme is A Hoax Put On By Tyler Cassidy, But He’s Still the “Baddest”

UPDATE 2: Watch Krispy Kreme get the Tosh 2.0 treatment.

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