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Fails of the Week: Rick Ross Eats Omarion-Size Chicken Wing, Facebook Masturbation & MorePosted by Nathan S. on 05/07/12 | Filed under Top Stories, Features, Humor, Fails of the Week
This One Time That Rick Ross Threw a Press Conference
Trust me, there is absolutely no way that you want to watch the 45 minute
circle jerk press conference…nah, fuck it
circle jerk that was the MMG press conference, I’ll distill things down to some simple must know facts.
* Elliot Wilson’s constant Twitter whoring on behalf of Ross has finally paid off! Let that be a lesson to your kids. RT everything a rapper writes and one day you too can preside over their masturbatory press conference.
* Not even free Ciroc can convince people to clap for Swizz Beatz. Shout out to the two dudes who put their hands together though. I hope you felt properly ashamed immediately afterwards. (6:30 mark.)
* Ross is coming out with a Big N’ Tall line for Reebok, also known as the “So, you’re obese because you eat lobster bisque for breakfast?” line.
* Diddy earns a spot on the Mr. Rushmore of Pauses my admitting that MMG gives him an erection. Congrats Diddy, it’s been a long time coming. I’m glad you could finally cement your place in history.
* Blah, blah, blah, release dates, blah, blah blah.
* Omarion is the newest member of MMG. My theory is that Ross signed him to fatten him up, batter him, sprinkle some lemon pepper on him and eat an Omarion size chicken wing.
And there you go, everything you needed to know from a 45 minute press conference distilled into six points. You’re welcome.