Wrapping Up the Hip-Hop Oscars

I know what you're thinking. Ok, so literally billions of people watched the 82nd Oscar Awards last night, but this is a hip-hop blog. Well, just like I did for the list of nominees, if you don't think I can give Hollywood's brightest night a beat and rhyme twist, well then you clearly haven't been reading RefinedHype for very long. And unlike the actual show, this won't take more than three hours to get through, so, you know, everyone's a winner.

Best Picture: "The Hurt Locker"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: A low budget, semi-indie breakout flick topples a multi-multi-selling effort ("Avatar") from an established king of the game (James Cameron)? This is like if Lupe's "Food & Liquor" beat out Ludacris' "Release Therapy" for a Best Rap Album Grammy in 2007. Of course that didn't happen because the Grammys never go with the underdog when it comes to hip-hop, which isn't to say that Luda/Avatar didn't deserve or wouldn't have deserved to win, but unlike the Oscars, the Grammys always seem to honor sales over art. You know what? Let's stop before this turns into a 4,000 word rant about why I hate the Grammys.

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, "The Hurt Locker"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: Um...well....sadly hip-hop hasn't had a major, high-selling effort from a female artist in years. Frankly, there's really no direct equivalent here, although I shouldn't be particularly surprised that hip-hop is far more sexist than Hollywood (and the bar's pretty damn low there). If we broadened our scope a little but, 50 Cent's easily the best director in hip-hop. No one's (non-music) videos have had a larger impact than Fiddy. He's like the Martin Scorcese of this game...if Scorcese took Rick Ross' baby mama shopping.

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: Hmmmm....I'm looking for someone who's equally capable of comedy and drama, who smokes a lot of weed and who women throw themselves at, even though he's not particularly handsome. Slap a beard on Kid Cudi (can he even grow a beard?) and you've got Jeff Bridges. The more I think about it the less of a stretch this seems. Unfortunately we know from "Coming to America" that Cudi's a mediocre at best actor. That's alright. Bridges is a mediocre at best singer. Done deal.

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: Easy. A white women makes a movie/music that white people love about how that white woman helps a black man take his career to the next level? Fergie. I don't think I really have to explain this one any further.

Best Visual Effects: "Avatar"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: Have you seen LL lately? That dude looks better than he did at 20. I guess "Benjamin Button" would have been a better parallel, but you get the point.

Best Screenplay: Geoffrey Fletcher, "Precious"

Hip-Hop Equivalent: No one writes with a better blend of poignancy and grit about urban life than Raekwon. I'm not saying that "OB4CL2" could have been the soundtrack to "Precious", I'm just saying that The Chef and Fletcher's artistic vision may have more in common than you might think.

Did I miss any easy analogies? Have something better? Let me know if the comments below or at nathan@refinedhype.com.