Steady Brett Farvin: Why The-Dream Won’t Retire

Considering the wife and I literally conceived our child to his "Love vs. Money" album (too much information?) at first I was devastated by The-Dream's announcement that he'll be retiring as a solo artist after he drops his upcoming "Love King" album. "It's the last album, period," he told MTV News.

Well f**k, that pretty much seals the deal...and then I remembered that Dream is far from the only artist to say he was hanging up the mic only to reverse course and continue making albums. In fact, I can't think of a single example of an artist saying they were going to retire, and then following through. I know Andre 3K wasn't exactly talking the faux-retirement craze when he said, "I started out starvin’ / Now they got me out here Brett Farvin" on "The Art of Storytelling (Pt. 4)" but the reference to the Packer turned Jet turned Viking turned whatever team he signs with next was only too appropriate. A closer look at the history or "retirement" announcements reveals the entire muss industry is steady Brett Farvin.

Jay-Z

Background: The ultimate hip-hop Farve. Not only did Hova say his "Black" album would be his last, he created an entire tour and movie around his curtain call.

What He Said: "So this here is the victory lap, then I'm leavin." - "Encore"

The Result: Um...yeah. Like MJ, Jay simply couldn't stand being out of the spotlight for long, and three albums after his supposed blackout ("Kingdom Come", "American Gangster" and "Blueprint 3"), the president of hip-hop nation now claims he won't be retiring until after the "Blueprint 13". Ok, so he didn't actually say that, but you get the point.

Lupe Fiasco

Background: Lupe became an overnight sensation after his "Food & Liquor" album instantly launched him into "one of the best rappers alive" status. Apparenlty Lupe wasn't comfortable with that kind of attention because he spent the months leading up to the release of his sophomore album "The Cool" (which he was originally titled "LupEND" promising it would be his last.

What He Said (during a DJBooth.net interview):
DJ Z: "How sure are you that you only have one more album left in you after, “The Cool”?
Lupe Fiasco: "Pretty sure...."
DJ Booth: "...I’m gonna hold you to that after “LupEND,” right?"
Lupe Fiasco: "Yeah, you can. [laughter] I won’t be doin’ interviews around that time, but, you can definitely hold me to it".

The Result: "The Cool" was even better than "Food & Liquor" and now Fiasco's heavily promoting his third album "Lasers" (not "LupEND") with no end in sight. Maybe it's a working retirement. We won't hold him to it.

Kid Cudi

Background: In the lead up to the release of his debut album "Man on the Moon" underground sensation Cudi promised that he was already uncomfortable with the fame and that after "Man on the Moon" he would be walking away from the rap game for good.

What He Said: “After the release of my first LP this summer, I am not making any more solo albums,” he wrote on his blog. “I am falling back on being an artist. The drama that comes with it is more overwhelming than the shit I was dealing with when I was piss poor broke.”

The Result: Turns out he isn't so uncomfortable with fame after all, or at least the money, drugs and women that come with it. He back pedaled from his retirement oath faster than a runaway Toyota during his DJBooth.net interview and is now readying the release of his sophomore album...and touring...and appearing on a HBO show. So, um, yeah.

50 Cent

Background: In the build up to the unbelievably over-hype Fiddy vs. Kanye contest 50 swears that should he get outsold by a former backpack rapper he'll hang up the mic for good.

What He Said: "If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent... I’ll no longer write music. I'll write music and work with my other artists, but I won't put out anymore solo albums."

The Result: Kanye absolutely crushed him as "Graduation" sold twice as many albums as "Curtis" and 50 promptly launched his campaign to pretend like it never happened; it was most likely just a publicity stunt in the first place. So will he retire now that his last album "Before I Self Destruct" flopped (by his standards)? Nope. That man will be putting out albums until he's 50.

So what's the take away from all this. After extended research and untold hours of statistical calculations, I've determined that, based on previous retirement claims, there is approximately a 0.0 percent chance that The-Dream's next album will be his last. *Exhale*. As for Brett Farve? He's currently considering finally walking away from the game for good. I wouldn't hold your breath.