Exhaustive Proof That Signing to Bad Boy Might Not be a Terrible Idea…Maybe

This depressing AOL performance was the apex of Loon's career.

Over the years Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/Puffy/Diddy/Swag has taken some heat for the amount of artists that were seemingly chewed up and spit out by his Bad Boy label, heat the man himself recently addressed in an interview with Whoo Kid:

“This is not a PG rated industry. If you are weak you will get eaten alive in this industry. This industry has a life expectancy of like two years.” It started a couple of years ago with what happened with this artist, why isn’t this artist still on the label, why isn’t that artist on the label, so people started to give us a bad rap. Honestly, nobody that was on Def Jam still on Def Jam nobody on Rocafella still on Rocafella. We’re the last people standing.”

You know what? That's a fair point. Bad Boy's been around for a long, long time now and any business that's been operating for over a decade is bound to have some failures. Have I been too harsh on Diddy? Is he actually a decent label owner?

There's only one way to find out for sure. Ignore my wife and kids for a solid 24 hours while I exhaustively research and comment on every Bad Boy signing. Ever. We might as well get right to it....

Mary J. Blige: For the record, Mary was signed to Uptown Records, which Diddy worked for, and not Bad Boy when she came out with her two classic albums, "What's the 411?" and "My Life". So no points there.

Craig Mack: Released the classic "Flava in Ya Ear" on Bad Boy. Fell out with Diddy/Diddy began ignoring him and concentrating on Biggie. Never released an album on Bad Boy, disappeared.

Notorious BIG: The home runs of all home runs.

Shyne: The best signing of Diddy's life...in terms of Diddy not going to jail.

Mario Winans: Never became a superstar, but a solid R&B career by any measure.

Mase: I never understood why Mase was successful. I don't know a single person who thinks he's even a mediocre rapper, and yet he was huge for a minute. Credit due to Diddy though - Mase is now a reverend/crazy person/fodder for Kanye West punchlines.

Cheri Dennis: "The next one" for a minute...one very, very long fucking minute. Only album, "In & Out of Love", flopped.

Boyz N Da Hood: Turns out Young Jeezy was essentially the only reason they blew up. Jeezy left Boyz, not on Bad Boy.

Kalenna Harper: Who? (She's the other chick who's not Dawn in Diddy Money.) Oh, ok.

Aasim: Who? Exactly.

Cassie: Musically? A flop. But in terms of hot leaked naked pictures? Hall of Famer.

Jordan McCoy: Who? Exactly.

YoungLord: Who? Exactly.

Janelle Monae: Congrats, you're officially the 4,375th person to say, "Wait, why the fuck is Janelle Monae signed to Bad Boy?" But she is, bonus points for Bad Boy.

Gorilla Zoe: Not exactly a success, but not exactly Diddy's fault. There's only so much you can do with Gorilla Zoe.

Elephant Man: Um...well....he's alive and puts out music people in the Caribbean seem to really like, so.....

Red Cafe: Nada.

Da Band: Hahahahahahahahah.

Day 26: Had one big album for Bad Boy, left Bad Boy after they realized Diddy owned the rights to their music/lives/future children. Now no one cares about Day 26.

Danity Kane: Successful for a minute, fell apart. I'm shocked a reality TV band fell apart. Shocked I tell you.

Dawn Richards: Only member of Danity Kane to stick with Diddy, one-third of Dirty Money. TBD.

G. Dep: One Bad Boy album flopped, dropped by Bad Boy. Legal issues ever since.

Aubrey O'Day: Human train wreck.

B5: Who? Exactly.

Big Gee: Who? Exactly.

Carl Thomas: Oh yeah, fucking Carl Thomas. He was cool.

Donnie Klang: Hahahahahahaha.

Eightball & MJG: Respect.

Faith Evans: Respect.

Dream: Failed '90s girl group.

Liz Davis: Who? (Winner of Diddy's first reality show contest. ) Exactly.

Mark Curry: Who? Not to be confused with the other Mark Curry. Exactly.

Fuzzbubble: Yep, they really existed. Diddy's failed attempt to go rock.

The LOX: "I felt like Bad Boy's street team, I couldn't work the LOX."

New Edition: Only on Bad Boy from 2003-2005 (aka the years no one cared about them).

Loon: Bet you forgot he existed. He did exist, and he's named after an aquatic fowl.

Black Rob: One hit wonder like "Whoa".

Nelson: Who? Exactly.

Total: That '90s R&B group that wasn't SWV or En Vogue.

Diddy: Six albums, multiple hits. Shockingly, Diddy really pulls out all the stops when it comes to promoting his own shit.

Jay Electronica: What's that? Electronica signed with Roc Nation even though Diddy spent a year sucking his nuts? Just wanted to mention that.

Machine Gun Kelly: TBD, but as of right now I like this signing.

French Montana: TBD, but come on, it's fucking French Montana.

In summary, I'd say that Diddy is incredibly good at making Bad Boy a successful label...for Diddy. If you're going to make him some serious money he'll help transform you into a superstar. And if you're not going to make him any money, he's going to take all your money and then make you walk to Brooklyn to get him a fucking cheesecake.

That really makes him no better and no worse than 99% of the people in the industry. Diddy's just a much more public label head than anyone else so he tends to get too much credit when things go right, and too much credit when things go wrong. So I guess I need to lay off my cricism of Diddy and Bad Boy a bit....but not too much.

Follow Up Question: Who's a better label head, Diddy or Jay-Z?

(Notes: I'm sure there are some Bad Boy signings that flopped so completely I can't even track them down, which skews the results. Feel free to fill me in on anyone I missed. And I only included artists, not producers/songwriters signed to Bad Boy.)