Sex, Relationships & F**king: Ask an Actual Guy Anything, Seriously Posted by Nathan S. on 09/10/12 | Filed under Girls, Opinion, Sex & Relationships

(Why a picture of Rosa Acosta? Why not.)

By now you should know the deal. Women's magazines always feature some version of a "what guys really think" column, but those magazines never give women an accurate idea of what guys really think. Rather, women get to hear what guys who know thousands of women will be reading what they really think, "really think."

Since RefinedHype is dedicated to telling it like it really is, I started this "Sex, Relationships & Fucking" column, aimed at injecting some actual truth into the world of, well, sex, relationships and fucking. This week, I take a shot at some of the questions posed by women in Cosmo's "Ask a Guy Anything" column.

Let's do the damn thing...

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Q: "There’s a coffee shop near my apartment, where I sit and read or do work on my laptop. I always see guys approach girls who are far less attractive than I am. Is it possible I’m sending out a hostile vibe?"

A: Yes, it is possible that you're sending out a hostile vibe. I feel the need to point out though that's it's also possible that you're not nearly as attractive as you think you are. I'm genuinely glad you seem to have such high self-esteem, but at some point you've got to take a cold hard look into that mirror.

Additionally, it's likely you don't really understand what makes a woman "attractive" to a man. Your face might be nicer than these "less attractive" other women, but do they have tig ol' bitties? Are you wearing a sweatshirt featuring an airbrushed unicorn? Is their hair just a little bit messed up in a way that suggests they have a wild side, where every strand of your hair is immaculately placed in a way that suggests you're anal and controlling in a way that will make even a one-night stand more trouble than it's worth?

If you're looking for a long term relationship, don't sweat the fact that you're not getting hit on at a coffee shop. But if you're looking guys to randomly hit on you for an ego boost then, in the words of Ghandi, be the change you wish to see in the world.

Q: My boyfriend and I live together, and he's a sweet guy. But when I ask him to do, say, the laundry, he'll be like "No problem," and then never do it. I'll ask again, and he'll say, "I'll get to it." After a few days, I just do it myself. What's his problem?

A: He doesn't have a problem, he has a solution. He's learned that if he just waits you out, you'll end up doing the laundry. More simply put, he's made a calculation: annoying you > doing annoying shit he doesn't want to do.

So how do you get him to change? You've got to change the balance of that equation, there are three basic ways to do this:

1) Be more annoying. Downside - you're more annoying.
2) Increase his incentive (aka "I'll give you a BJ if you do the laundry"). Downside - you're whoring yourself out for laundry.
3) Stop caring. It may be hard, but just stop giving a shit if he does the laundry or not. Do your laundry, leave his in a pile on the floor. Eventually he'll just start doing it because he's a functioning member of human society that needs to wear clean clothes. And if he doesn't, then dump him. You don't want to date someone who's not a functioning member of human society.

You're welcome.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and I still can’t get enough of him. He usually feels the same, but at times, he backs away and just wants to be alone. I know he loves me, so why does he do this?

A: Because he wants to be left the fuck alone. Jesus, just give him a minute. Is this really that hard to figure out? Next question.

Q: My guy hinted that he wanted to see me in sexy outfits, so I bought some lacy, girlie lingerie. Now I’m too embarrassed actually to wear them to bed. I’m afraid he’s going to think they’re not sexy on me. What should I do?

A: Listen, lingerie is a nice addition, guys will never complain about you throwing on something hot, but it's crucial to keep in mind that it's what happens after the lingerie comes off that really matters.

Let's try a little thought experiment. In situation one, you walk into the bedroom wearing sweatpants, and then proceed to get down in a way that would make Sasha Gray blush. In situation two, you've got on some extraordinary lingerie, and then proceed to flop around in bed like a stranded salmon.

I guarantee 100% of the guys reading this would prefer situation one.

The point is, it's not what you wear, it's what you're willing to put in your mouth what you do. If the lingerie makes you feel confident enough to really get freaky, go for it. But if it's going to make you more shy, leave it in the closet until you're ready to really put it to use.

In other words, don't worry about what color you're going to paint your house until you've built the house. And by "built the house" I mean mastering reverse cowgirl.

See Also: Sex, Relationships & F**king: A Honest Advice Column Pt. 2

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If you spot any questions you'd like to see get the RefinedHype treatment feel free to pass them along to nathan(@)refinedhype.com. And ladies, if you've got any questions you actually want honest answers to feel free to send them in as well - although fair warning, I'm actually going to answer you.