Nathan S. 's avatar

Fails: Fighting at a Combined Weight of 200 Pounds, It’s Frank Ocean vs. Chris Brown!

Posted by Nathan S. on 01/28/13 | Filed under Humor, Opinion, Fails, Chris Brown, Frank Ocean
As you've likely already heard, Chris Brown and Frank Ocean got into a fight (aka their respective entourages fought while they watched) last night at a L.A. studio. Apparently Brown wanted to take Ocean's parking spot...or something. Details are still murky, and frankly I don't care enough to really research things, but maybe this exclusive video of the fight will help clear things up!

I've been meaning to talk to you about that Frank. You might want to find a safe house, lay low for a little while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Speaking of which, and in more serious, non-"Anchorman" reference news, the LAPD is investigating the incident to see if Chris Brown should be charged with assault because, you know, they don't have anything better to do.

In other words, this is clearly a story in need of some serious RefinedHype de-hyping.

Firs, I have to take some issue with this being described as a "brawl". Now I wasn't there, but the extent of Ocean's injuries seems to be a cut finger; a cut finger? Did Brown stab him with a tiny, tiny knife? That's not a brawl, that sounds like a typical NBA "Let's all swing and look tough but no one actually wants to punch anyone else" fight at worse. Now this is a brawl.

And who's "Everest"? I'm going to assume an enormous, enormous bodyguard. Frankly I wish Everest was there too, maybe then this would have actually been a brawl.

So in summary, here's all you need to know. A couple R&B singers got in a tiff, they'll probably have Twitter "beef" for a while. They'll run into each other backstage, Ocean will disparage his taste in expensive pants, at which point Brown will throw a catered sandwich at Ocean, go back to jail for a few days, then eventually Jesse Jackson will intervene and they'll do a duet.

Awesome, I'm really looking forward to it.

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See Also:  Frank Ocean Releases Mildly Creepy, But Mostly Amazing “Pyramids” Music Video
See Also:  Are You “Ready” to Not Hate Fabolous & Chris Brown’s New Single?

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