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Rap Lines That Make No Fu**king Sense: The R. Kelly “My Story” Edition

Posted by Nathan S. on 07/30/13 | Filed under Humor, Rap Lines That Make No Sense, R. Kelly


Before we even get started on the "Rap Lines That Make No Fucking Sense", I want to get a few things out of the way.

First, R. Kelly is fucking incredible. There's no logical reason I should like his "My Story" song so much, and yet I've had it on repeat for a day now. Kells just has this way of making music that's inexplicably addictive; you don't know why you're listening, but you can't stop. He's the R&B Game Pringles.

Second, "My Story" makes me realize that, lyrically speaking, 2 Chainz is just a poor man's rap version of R. Kelly. As we just discussed, Chainz is an intelligent guy who purposefully writes the most ignorant things possible. His goal is to get you to wonder if he knows the shit he's saying is crazy, or if he's actually crazy...a skill that Kelly mastered years ago. As crazy as he might get, Chainz hasn't even come close to making anything as "does he know how crazy this sounds?" as "Sex Planet"*.

All of which gets us a little bit closer to the reason we're here. R. Kelly may be technically be singing, but "Them niggas talking money, I got more digits in my gate code" is a better rap punchline than anything Chainz does on "My Story". However, Kelly's lyrical prowess isn't flawless:


"Models roll my indo, I beat the pussy, Django"


And now we've arrived at the real reason I'm writing this. Throughout the years - and yep, it's been years now - I've come to realize that there are different degrees of no fucking sense. For example, Gudda Gudda's "And I got her...grocery bag" just makes no fucking sense whatsoever. That's something an insane person says. By Gudda Gudda's logic, that line could have just as easily been, "And I got her...Ikea bookcase."

On the other hand, Jay-Z' ".38 revolve like the sun round the Earth" is technically wrong, but you can see where he was trying to go. But lines like this fall somewhere in the middle. Yes, people are beaten in "Django", so the line's not Gudda Gudda-level insane, but taken as a whole, it just doesn't make any sense. And granted, I don't have models rolling up my indo, so far be it for me to tell Kelly how to sweet talk a lady, but when you're trying to set the mood, I've always tried to stay as far away from slavery as possible.

So I think I've established three tiers of nonsensical rap:

"Grocery Bag" Level: Makes absolutely no sense. See also, Cam'ron's "."
"My Story" Level: Makes some sort of indirect sense, but not really. See also, Jeezy's "Black on black Bentley, call it Phantom of the Opera.”
".38" Level: Close, but there's a crucial mistake. See also, Freeway's "We from two different cities, Minnesota and Philly."

We may have to do some more work to refine the levels, but I think from now on that's how I'll be dividing up up "No Fucking Sense" lines. It really does help. For example, the King of the "Grocery Bag" Level? Juelz Santana. The King of "My Story" Level? You'd think R. Kelly, but I'd say it's a close race between Young Jeezy, Game and Rick Ross - all three also routinely veer into ".38" Level territory.

And yes, I'm aware that I spend way too much of my life thinking about this stuff. But since I know RefinedHype Nation does too, enjoy...

* Great, now I can't stop listening to "Sex Planet". I'm going to spend the rest of my day stuck in a Crazy R. Kelly Songs vortex.

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