Fails of the Week: T.I. Busted, Basebrawls, Broken Dicks & More!

Schadenfreude is a psychological terms used to describe someone who takes pleasure in the failure of others (aka haters), and while I certainly didn't derive any enjoyment from some of the epic f**k ups below, they were too egregious not to be called out. In the latest of an ongoing series that will include the best...or worst...fails of the week from the world of hip-hop, sports, pop culture and beyond, I examine T.I.'s recent, retarded arrest, Nyjer Morgan's crazy ass fighting, Caviar's dangerous porn career and much, much more.

T.I. Fails to Properly Put Mac Boney to Work

By now you should all know about T.I.'s recent arrest for "alleged" marijuana and ecstasy possession. Now I know a lot of folks are up in arms, saying the police targeted him because he's a rap star and that pot shouldn't even be illegal, but this is 100% a fail on Tip's part. If you're a famous black man you just don't carry drugs on you, ever, especially if you've been recently released from prison. Really T.I.? Really? What ever happened to the good old-fashioned weed carrier? Why the hell else if Big Kuntry King or Mac Boney signed to Grand Hustle? These guys entire mission in life should be to catch drug charges on T.I.'s behalf. Goddamnit.

Nyyer Morgan is One Crazy Mofo

Since the Washington Nationals season isn't going anywhere outfielder Nyjer Morgan has decided to keep things interesting by being as balls crazy as possible. On Saturday he trucked Cardinals catcher Bryan Anderson at a play at the plate, even though Anderson didn't have the ball and the game was a blowout, he again did the same thing to Marlins catcher Brett Hayes on Tuesday, separating his shoulder. So, of course, on Wendesday, the Marlins threw at him in retaliation and...Morgan...lost...his...goddamn mind, brawling with the entire Marlins bench before being escorted off the field with a torn jersey and flipping off Marlins' fans Ron Artest style. Next up for Morgan? Intentionally hitting a small child with a foul ball. By the way, huge props to Marlins first baseman Gabby Sanchez - that's him flying in from the left and cleaning out Morgan like Ray Lewis.

Someone Needs a Drunk Helmet

"Suspected D.U.I."? Really? Suspected? The first one is funny, the second one's just impressive.

Porn is a Dangerous, Dangerous Job

I'm gonna to warn you now, this is the most ignorant, devoid of intelligence entry in Fails of the Week history. Consider yourself warned. Ok, here we go. Former "For the Love of Ray-J" contestant Caviar has used her newfound "fame" to launch a career...into porn, which, in her defense, may be more dignified that "For the Love of Ray-J". Anyway, things aren't going so well for Caviar, or to be more exact, things aren't going so well for the the male lead in one of her recent flicks, Prince Yahshua. While going to work "reverse cowgirl" style, according to Yashua, "her rhythm wasn’t matching with my rhythm. As I put my head to the side to talk to her, the next thing you heard was…" Yep, she, to use the medical term, broke his dick. After over two hours of surgery and 36 stitches doctors managed to mend his ripped uethra and re-attach the aligning wall muscle between his penis and pelvis. He's now recovering and hopes to walk soon - doctors aren't sure if he'll be able to resume his career in porn. You were warned.

Spot a Fail of the Week? Email me at nathan(@)refinedhype.com.