The Balls Craziest Lines from 2 Chainz’ “B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time”Posted by Nathan S. on 09/10/13 | Filed under Humor, Rap Lines That Make No Sense, 2 Chainz, Balls Crazy
I've had some requests from RefinedHype Nation for a "Rap Lines That Make No Fucking Sense: 2 Chainz "B.O.A.T.S. II Edition", but here's the thing; 2 Chainz actually (usually) makes a lot of sense. If anything, his rhymes are ridiculous becasue they make too much sense. She's got a big booty, so he calls her big booty. Not much to decode there. However, the man does say plenty of balls crazy shit on this album worthy of a highlight, so behold, my greatest creation!*
For the record, yes, I'm aware Chainz spend a lot of time on this album talking about how he shoots people even though that's clearly not the case. I'm not going to get into every instance, that'd be it's own post, just know that there are a lot of them.
"I got Medusa on my sneakers / My dick up like "nice to meet ya"
It's good to know that chivalry's not dead. Even in 2013, 2 Chainz' wang still has the manners to stand up when a lady walks in the room and great her like a true gentlemen(ly dick).
Bonus: "My trigger finger's like a lemon squeeze (Baow!)"
Um...ok, maybe this one just doesn't make any fucking sense. As in....his gun is the lemon and when he squeezes it the gun squirts out...deadly bullets? Is that what he was going for?
Bonus: "My wrist deserve a shout-out, I'm like 'What up, wrist?' / My stove deserve a shout-out, I'm like 'What up, stove?'"
2 Chainz: "What up stove?"
Stove: "Hey, thanks for the shout out. I spend all day cooking crack for you, I was beginning to think you didn't appreciate me."
2 Chainz: "What? No, of course I appreciate you. You're my everything. You complete me stove."
Stove: "You had me at what up'."
"Money on the rise like I'm counting on a elevator / You gon' need a detonator swimming with them barracudas"
Hypothetical situation: You're thrown into a tank full of barracudas, but before you dive in, you're allowed to pick one weapon to defend yourself. What do you go with? Harpoon gun? Foolish choicel; sure, you might kill one barracuda, but what about the rest? Knife? Better, but if you're swarmed, are you really trusting a knife to fend off angry barracudas? Clearly the only rational choice are some explosives and a detonator. Sure, you might blow yourself up too, but that's a risk you're just going to have to take.
"Where U Been"
It's not like I have a list of every trap rap reference to QWERTY keyboards, but I have to imagine that's one of the first keyboard related punchlines in the genre's history. (Note to self: Create list of computer-related gangster rap references.)
Bonus: "Gucci hat (Gucci hat), Gucci belt / If you wrote a autobiography you'd have to sue yourself."
I just straight up enjoyed this one. Poor man's version of "You're the realest breathin if I hold my breath," but still good times.
Bonus: "I get high and I fly past, I don't know nothing 'bout iChat / I work in this iPhone they need an app called iTrap."
Hey 2 Chainz, Rick Ross called from 2011, he wants his line back. If you could return it asap that'd be great, thanks.
"I Do It"
"Hang up on a bitch, call it crucified / Time to go to work, no suit and tie."
Hey Fox News, I know you're not pouring over every line of the new 2 Chainz album, but if you were looking for something to get all righteously indignant about and use some of those time honored "rap music is the downfall of civilization" bullshit you like to do, Tity Boi just gift wrapped a present for you.
Bonus: "As far as your girl, I hit it from the back already / I tried to get a tan, but I'm black already."
You've got to love that Chainz apparently tried to get a tan, then realized that he's already back. As far as tanning, 2 Chainz is not in need of it because of his skin pigment.
Bonus: "Bust a nut on her, tell her that's a load off / Shorty ass soft, like a Nerf ball."
The load off line is a groaner, but I appreciate any reference to fucking a stripper that also makes me nostalgic for a childhood spent playing Nerf basketball in my basement.
Bonus: "That pussy like a pothole." Um...that's a bad thing, right Lil Wayne? Because you kind of say it like it's a good thing, even though frankly nothing sounds worse than some pothole pussy. Sometimes it's hard to tell with Weezy.
Bonus: "Do a drive by while you’re riding on your skateboard."
I'm not saying this is a shot at Weezy, I'm just saying...it's a little odd to drop this in a verse immediately following a Lil Wayne verse.
"You can't do it with a dick, can you? / You can't do it like that with a dick, can you?"
Oh, you can solve a Rubik's Cube in under a minute? Very impressive, but can you do it...with a dick? No? Thats' what I thought. Suddenly I'm not so impressed anymore. You're gonna have to complete more difficult tasks with dicks if you want some respect from me.
Now I can't say I'm intimately familiar with Netflix' use policis, but I'm pretty sure you can't just upload random sex tapes onto it, although I do applaud Chainz' hustle. Maybe he should start by selling his sex tapes via Red Box first and then work his way up to Netflix.
Bonus: "Fucked a bitch in her eyelashes."
I have no idea what that means, but I love it. It's provocative, it gets the people going.
"U Da Realest"
"I died in her cervix"
That sounds like either the worst or the best way to die ever. I'm leaning worst, but it still beats dying of testicular cancer in the brain.
"I hope you get testiclular cancer in the brain"
Boom! See what I did there? I'm a legend in my own time.
"And thats ratchet huh? / Her ass so big it look like she trying to walk backwards bruh."
Believe me, I don't say this lightly, but that might just be my favorite "bigness of ass as it relates to how said ass looks while walking" related lines since Mos Def's immortal "Ass so fat that you can see it from the front" off "Ms. Fat Booty". In fact, it might just be the best line 2 Chainz has ever written. Just close your eyes and visualize...
Bonus: "She got on top of me like a stage / I said use my dick as a microphone."
Oh, you can sing into a microphone? But can you do it with a dick though? CAN YOU DO IT WITH A DICK THOUGH?
Bonus: "Crib so big a dinosaur can run through that shit."
I'm an advocate of more dinosaur references in rap, so I have to applaud this one, although Chainz doesn't specify what kind of dinosaur it is. Maybe it's one of those joints that blinded Newman. Those aren't particularly big, not exactly something to brag about 2 Chainz.
"Lyrically I could be Talib Kweli / But with gold teeth it'd be hard for some to believe / I leave them pussies stinking, they need Summer's Eve."
What a way to go out, those lines actually sum up all of 2 Chainz career. He's smarter than most give him credit for, all of those dumb lines are dumb on purpose, but there's more money in trap rap, and who wants to hear a guy who used to be named Tity Boi rap about deep shit? So, you know, it's onto references about smelly pussies and douches. This is about as close to a moment of clarity from Chainz as we're ever going to get.
* Sorry, got a little carried away there. This is clearly my greatest creation.
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