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From ODB to Ice Cube, Hip-Hop’s Best & Worst NamesPosted by Nathan S. on 07/31/12 | Filed under Humor
We're all stuck with the name our parents gave us, but for rappers adopting a moniker is a fresh start, a chance to be named literally whatever they'd like. Some rappers have used this opportunity a little more wisely than others though, and since I apparently can't stop my brain for thinking way too long about this shit, here's a quickstrike list of hip-hop's best and worst names.
I'm counting on RefinedHype Nation to hit the comments below with more examples. Enjoy...
Probably my favorite rap name of all-time, does it get better than GhostFace Killah? Not only is the man going to end your life, he's going to sneak up behind you like a fucking ghost ninja and slit your throat before you even know he's there. Fuck this is such a fucking bad ass name.
Pair a name like that with a man who apparently enjoys stuffing cash into trout and you've got an unstoppable combination. God I wish this was my rap name. It definitely beats the hell out of my current name, MC Allergic to Shellfish.
Ol' Dirty Bastard
You've got to hand it to ODB, the man just told it like it was. If not the best, this is easily the most accurate rap name of all-time. (At least until Drake changes his name to MC Breastmilk.) I always loved the fact that he had kids with nine different women. What's that? ODB impregnated you and now refuses to pay child support? In fairness, his name is fucking Ol' Dirty Bastard, that one's pretty much on you.
And we haven't even gotten to the nicknames yet: Ason Unique, Osirus, Big Baby Jesus, Dirt McGirt, etc. The man was a naming genius.
By the way, it can't be a coincidence that two if the best names ever were both in Wu-Tang..which brings up a related question. The worst name in the Wu? I've got to go with GZA, for obvious reasons. (What, it's not obvious? Ask a friend whose mind is a little more in the gutter.)
Ice Cube: I got it, I'll call myself Ice Cube!
Dr. Dre: Really? Really though? Why would you name yourself after a tiny block of ice? What are you trying to say, that you melt easily? Really?
Ice Cube: "I know it sounds weak now, but in 20 years Bud Light will think it's cute enough to build a national ad campaign around. I'll be rich! I'm in this for the long term son!"
Dr. Dre: Fine, fucking name yourself Ice Cube, whatever. I don't have time to worry about this shit, I've got to go invent some incredibly overpriced headphones."
Seriously though, it's crazy to think that one of the toughest and most feared emcees to ever pick up a mic was named fucking Ice Cube. He might have just done it to give himself an extra challenge, to ensure that he had to rhyme really hard to overcome his terrible name.
Shorty Shitstain: Nope, I didn't make this one up. The most hardcore of hardcore Wu-Tang heads will recall Shorty Shitstain as a loose affiliate of the Wu who made his biggest mark (mark? get it?) rapping on ODB's "Protect Ya Next II (The Zoo)".
In Shitstain's defense, when you actively go around calling yourself Shitstain, chances are pretty good that you don't exactly have a lot going on in your life. We're actually talking about ShitStain right now, which is more than I can say for the vast majority of non-Shitstain named rappers. So hey, he's got that going for him.
On the downside though, his name is Shorty Shitstain. So...yeah.