This Week in Album Sales: No One Gives a F-K About Hip-Hop

I know, I know, it's been a little while since I've written a sales column. My apologies, but believe it or not I actually put a fair amount of time and through into these things, and between feeding your booty habit and hunting down No Sense Rap Lines I just haven't had the time. But I've received enough of these

to shame me into getting back on my sales report grind, so here we are. Unfortunately I've picked a pretty shitty week to make my return as America has collectively decided it doesn't give two shits about any new rap albums. That might change in the coming weeks as Tech N9ne, Big Sean and some other big projects drop, but for now Rick Ross' "Self Made" is the top hip-hop album in the country....and he's at number 12 with 18,000 albums sold last week. (For the super picky folks out there, "Self Made' is officially listed on Soundscan as "Various - Maybach Music Group Presents: Self Made", but come on. It's a fucking Ross album with a ton of features.)

Thankfully it's a different story on the singles charts, so let's turn our attention there: Top 10 Urban Songs with units sold

1 (2 overall). Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo - Give Me Everything 216,679
2 (3 overall). LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett - Party Rock Anthem 168,693
3 (5 overall). Lil Wanye - How to Love 151,261
4 (6 overall). Katy Perry ft. Kanye West - E.T. 137,228
5 (7 overall). Bruno Mars - Lazy Songs 135,816
6 (8 overall). Nicki Minaj - Super Bass 132,228
7 (9 overall). Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull - On the Floor 127,386
8 (10 overall). Drake ft. Rick Ross - I'm On One 122,936
9 (11 overall). Lupe Fiasco - Show Goes On 107,734
10 (14 overall). Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne - Look at Me Now 93,698

The Refined Take:

1) What did I say when Lil Wayne's "How to Love" dropped? I could go look it up and quote myself exactly, but I'm too lazy. Instead, I'm pretty sure it went something like this: "Rap heads will hate this record, but guess what, rap heads don't buy records, they download them illegally from RefinedHype. Lil Wayne made this song for girls, who do buy records, and I can pretty much guarantee it will be a hit." I love when I'm right.

2) In an act of official protest I'm defying Soundscan and listing it as "Drake ft. Rick Ross - I'm On One", even though the official listing is DJ Khaled ft. Drake & Rick Ross. No, fuck you Khaled. We've already established that you were too lazy to even record a new drop, you're not getting primary credit. A little surprised to see "I'm On One" so high though, Drizzy and Ross obviously have some serious pull.

3) In somewhat random news, Mac Miller's "Donald Trump" is at the #50 slot, which is pretty damn good for a white teenage rapper with no album out. Still haven't decided how I feel about Mac though. He's a better rapper than the haters would want to believe, but I can't say I like him. Regardless, 34,000 people like him enough to buy his single.

4) If you're looking for a forecast of how Tech N9ne's "All 6's & 7's" will do when it enters the charts next week, the only single currently charting off the album is "Worldwide Choppers" and that's a meager #87. Sure that's a hardcore rap record so it won't enter the dance populated top ten, but Tech is counting on those same hardcore rap fans to buy his album as well. We'll see....

5) This week's Mr. Irrelevant Award, given to the song that sits at the absolute bottom of the charts (the number 200 spot), goes to..wow, the statistical coincidence is incredible. The Lonely Island's "3 Way" is in almost a dead tie for the bottom of the charts with...The Lonely Island's "I Just Had Sex". This is live when Michael Jackson famously had the number one and number two single in the country, except the exact opposite.