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The 2013 Grammy Nominations, Just As Ridiculous As Always

Posted by Nathan S. on 12/06/12 | Filed under Opinion, Grammys

(Still the undisputed greatest Grammy moment ever.)


It's become an annual tradition around el casa de Nathan S. The Grammys announce their nominees, I get way too worked up about it, remember these are the same people who picked Puffy over Wu-Tang, vow not to care next year...and then the next year get sucked right back in again. Sigh.

So fine, let's get it over with. And with that enticing introduction, RefinedHype Nation, your 2013 Grammy Award nominees (only the rap/R&B categories)!

Album Of The Year:

“El Camino” — The Black Keys
“Some Nights” — FUN.
“Babel” — Mumford & Sons
“Channel Orange” — Frank Ocean
“Blunderbuss” — Jack White

I'm a fan of "El Camino", but obviously not a good year for hip-hop. Apparently unless Kanye drops something rap doesn't have a chance at winning the ultimate prize anymore. (Personally I think OJ got robbed.) So yeah, I'll be pulling for Frank Ocean heavy.

Record Of The Year:

“Lonely Boy” — The Black Keys
“Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” — Kelly Clarkson
“We Are Young” — FUN. Featuring Janelle Monáe
“Somebody That I Used To Know” — Gotye Featuring Kimbra
“Thinkin Bout You” — Frank Ocean
“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” — Taylor Swift

We're never getting back together Taylor? Never? Never ever? Never eva eva? Again, I fucks with the Black Keys, but it looks like Frank Ocean is our lone hope, although that dude with the impossible to pronounce name is probably going to win.

Best New Artist:

Alabama Shakes
FUN.
Hunter Hayes
The Lumineers
Frank Ocean

I'm a big Alabama Shakes fan, seriously, so I'll be happy to see them or Frank walk away with some hardware. Again though, nary a rapper to be found. Considering the Grammy's definition of a "new" artist appears to be "released their first major label album this year" you'd love to see Kendrick Lamar in there, but it's not like I expect the Grammys to actually listen to hip-hop. Whoever the fuck The Lumineers are will probably win.

Song Of The Year:

“The A Team” — Ed Sheeran, songwriter (Ed Sheeran)
“Adorn” — Miguel Pimentel, songwriter (Miguel)
“Call Me Maybe” — Tavish Crowe, Carly Rae Jepsen & Josh Ramsay, songwriters (Carly Rae Jepsen)
“Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” — Jörgen Elofsson, David Gamson, Greg Kurstin & Ali Tamposi,
songwriters (Kelly Clarkson)
“We Are Young” — Jack Antonoff, Jeff Bhasker, Andrew Dost & Nate Ruess, songwriters (FUN. Featuring
Janelle Monáe)

"Song of the Year" is only about the songwriting, while "Record of the Year" is about the song in its entirety (songwriting, production, performance, etc.). I know, I was confused for years too before I figured it out. Anyway, I don't particularly give a fucks who wins, although I suddenly really want to know who Jörgen Elofsson is.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance:

“Shake It Out” — Florence & The Machine
“We Are Young” — FUN. Featuring Janelle Monáe
“Somebody That I Used To Know” — Gotye Featuring Kimbra
“Sexy And I Know It” — LMFAO
“Payphone” — Maroon 5 & Wiz Khalifa

So you're saying there's a chance Wiz Khalifa could win a Grammy? It might be one in a million, but there's a chance!

Best R&B Performance:

“Thank You” — Estelle
“Gonna Be Alright (F.T.B.)” — Robert Glasper Experiment Featuring Ledisi
“I Want You” — Luke James
“Adorn” — Miguel
“Climax” — Usher

That Usher "Climax" record was actually kind of underrated, I thought it was one of the best joints he's done in years. And I'll always support Miguel, but yeah, I just can't get that worked up about R&B. At least Chris Brown wasn't nominated.

Best Urban Contemporary Album:

“Fortune” — Chris Brown
“Kaleidoscope Dream” — Miguel
“Channel Orange” — Frank Ocean

Nevermind, there's Chris Brown. I've actually had a few debates this year about “Kaleidoscope Dream” vs. "Channel Orange". I thought they were both excellent, but "Channel Orange" ultimately gets my vote because it was so groundbreaking. As long as Breezy doesn't win though, I'm fine.

Best R&B Album:

“Black Radio” — Robert Glasper Experiment
“Back To Love” — Anthony Hamilton
“Write Me Back” — R. Kelly
“Beautiful Surprise” — Tamia
“Open Invitation” — Tyrese

Oh, apparently Tyrese is alive. And no, I have no idea what the difference between "R&B" and "Adult Urban Contemporary" is either. The Grammys have historically had trouble with their categories though - remember when they gave Jethro Tull the award for "Best Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Album"? Over Metallica, none the less. You probably don't remember, but trust me, it was as insane as Puffy over Wu-Tang.

Best R&B Song:

“Adorn” — Miguel
“Beautiful Surprise” — Tamia
“Heart Attack” — Trey Songz
“Pray for Me” — Anthony Hamilton
“Refill” — Elle Varner

Shrug.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration:

“Wild Ones” — Flo Rida Featuring Sia
“No Church In The Wild” — Jay–Z & Kanye West Featuring Frank Ocean & The–Dream
“Tonight (Best You Ever Had)” — John Legend Featuring Ludacris
“Cherry Wine” — Nas Featuring Amy Winehouse
“Talk That Talk” — Rihanna Featuring Jay–Z

The-Dream was on "No Church In the Wild"? (Goes back and listens.) Is that him at the 2:20 mark? I always assumed that was a heavily auto-tuned Kanye. Huh. Well then, enjoy your Grammy Terius Nash.

Best Rap Performance:

“HYFR (Hell Ya F***ing Right)” — Drake Featuring Lil Wayne
“N****s In Paris” — Jay–Z & Kanye West
“Daughters” — Nas
“Mercy” — Kanye West Featuring Big Sean, Pusha T & 2 Chainz
“I Do” — Young Jeezy Featuring Jay–Z & André 3000

So basically what you're telling me is that Jay-Z and Andre 3000 got a Grammy nomination for "I Do". Gotcha. If Jeezy wins this shit he should feel ashamed to keep the award in his house - it'd be like his wife having an affair, getting pregnant, then having to raise a kid he knows isn't his. Anwyay, if Nas wins I'll be doing this dance:



Best Rap Album:

“Take Care” — Drake
“Food & Liquor II: The Great American Rap Album, Pt. 1″ — Lupe Fiasco
“Life Is Good” — Nas
“Undun” — The Roots
“God Forgives, I Don’t” — Rick Ross
“Based On A T.R.U. Story” — 2 Chainz

Fuck you Grammys, just fuck you. It's not like I expect you to dig into the underground for something like 'R.A.P. Music", but 2 Chainz? Even if they wanted to go with a trap/ignorant rap album, "BOATS" wasn't even a particularly good rap album. This is why I try to ignore the Grammys, my blood pressure doesn't need this shit.

Best Rap Song:

“Daughers” — Nas
“Lotus Flower Bomb” — Wale featuring Miguel
“Mercy” — Kanye West Featuring Big Sean, Pusha T & 2 Chainz
“The Motto” — Drake Featuring Lil Wayne
“N****s in Paris” — Jay-Z & Kanye West
“Young, Wild & Free” — Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa Featuring Bruno Mars

More category confusion. So "Mercy" and "Niggas in Paris" were good enough to get nominations in both "Performance" and "Song", but "The Motto" was a much better song than "HYFR"? I give up.

If you want to completely ignore the Grammys I won't blame you, and if you want to delve into some serious debate I'll understand too. The awards are like a crazy ex-girlfriend; you know you should stay away but you just keep coming back.

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